I'm a fan of the simile.

I just finished a pen and watercolour painting. It's been so long since I've painted.

It feels like... finally letting out that breath you've been holding in, and taking deep gulps of sweet air.

***

The Light I Know Well.

I can't upload any pictures today. I don't even own a digital camera, or a scanner for my prints. I have to admit, I feel slightly uncomfortable having to rely solely on words, without any visual aid or stimulation for potential readers. Why am I writing then? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because one of my many english teachers told us in class that blogging is sometimes a good tool in getting hired. It might also be because I've been writing a lot in school lately and enjoy the feeling of satisfaction that it gives me.

I am useless when it comes to creating habits, and though I've started so many blogs, history dictates that I eventually abandon the effort. I forget what it feels like to write, or draw, or just create something that didn't exist before. There's no other feeling that I can use to compare this feeling to. Its freeing. It somehow makes me feel like I'm fulfilling a purpose. Does anyone relate to this? It's a feeling you don't always miss when it's gone, but once it returns I wonder how I could have forgotten about it. It inspires me to create.

Of course, I'm no writer. No, my passion isn't for the written word but for the magic of visuals. I might be able to survive without weaving imaginative tales, but I never stop thinking for a moment about the beauty of light, and contrast, and hue, and shadow, and colour. Being in awe of these things is as daily and natural to me as breathing. I have what they call "the eye." Seeing things the way I do seems to make me different from other people. Of course, when I say that I see differently, it doesn't only mean that I see the things others miss, but also that I view the world differently. Not everything is beautiful and mysterious, but everything is just one component to a much bigger picture. There is pain, and woe, and confusion, but understand that these things are fleeting, and give way to selflessness, and community, and love. In a photograph, there are areas of shadow, and areas of light. The most stunning picture often has such high contrast that every detail pops. Every shadow works together with every spot of light, making something beautiful. Of course, when we feel like we're encased in darkness, it is hard to imagine that we will ever again feel the warmth of the sun, and even harder to believe that our pain is part of a beautiful image. We like to bury our pain, and try to forget it. But what is an image without both light and dark? We don't need to forget, we need to hold on through the pain and trust in the bigger picture. And when times are good and light shines on us, we need to remember that it is not permanent, and share the hope of the future with others who are stuck in fear and doubt.

This is the truth of Jesus Christ. Life isn't all good, but at least it's all part of His plan and we can trust that He's got everything under control.

"do something and you'll be someone"

I take pictures of my prints because the scanner doesn't scan.

Anyway, I've had many things on my mind lately. Foremost are my results from the Birkman "test." What the Birkman is is an assessment of a person's usual behavior, innermost needs, and reactions under stress... each report is an astounding 40 somewhat pages! Anyway, the point is to learn how a person ticks so you can... coexist. Needless to say, these 41 pages hold more secrets than any diary I've ever kept! I've also discovered I am artistic (thank you, Mr Birkman). Anyway, sarcastic remarks aside, its certainly interesting, and I've been inspired to dramatize some of my results- a bit like what these guys do.

I love hearing the owl coo every night

I love the echoes of someone playing drums far away

I love the frantic tapping of rain on my skylights

I love the eerie call of the loon across a lake

I love the sound of sizzling grease in a pan

.

I feel that I live largely in an art world focused on pictures and on music, but every once in a while I hear a sound that just transports me to an entirely different place. So I pay homage to those sounds, and am thankful again that beauty is found everywhere and in every form.

january 12

am I becoming more and more old fashioned?

This is the very first christmas-gift-thank-you card I've ever made, and I fashioned it because I sincerely do enjoy the atmosphere the aroma-thing creates. I just feel bad because I won't be making any more this year, (don't hate me!) though I'm enjoying all my presents.
Christmas letters and thank you cards. Am I turning into an old woman? Might I aswell just start wearing knitting needles in my hair to have handy in case of a knitting emergency?

like sitting ducks

my pictures are here!

I can finally share some of my pictures with you! So without further ado, a little taste!

This makes me happy, since the developing process took so long with the holidays and such.

He Has No Friends
But He Gets A Lot Of Mail
I'll Bet He Spent A Little
Time In Jail...
I Heard He Was Up On The
Roof Last Night
Signaling With A Flashlight
And What's That Tune He's
Always Whistling...
What's He Building In There?
What's He Building In There?


-Tom Waits

thanks, Neil, I will

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.


-Neil Gaiman

'Year-in' thoughts

I never realize how long a year really is. Now that we're at the end of this one and looking back, so much is coming to mind that I forgot about the beginning! What I do remember feels like such a long time ago though, what with grad in June and a change in lifestyle.

There's so much I could say about 2009- it brought change, introduced me to wonderful people, held many exciting new experiences, taught me to cry, and proved how complicated life can be. Nonetheless I'm left feeling happy about the way the year turned out- sickness and family issues and all!

Too bad its the beginning of 2010 (twenty ten!) and I'm already ill.

tonight is a night

. . .the last of the decade.

Hello 2010, what do you hold I wonder.

meet my new friend

This is Nikon F-601.
Haven't heard of it? Ah, well, me neither. He was a flea market find, in any case. We bagged him for 70 Euros along with a Sigma 28-108mm lens, lens filter, lens cap, and flash- what a steal! Of course, my first roll isn't back from the lab yet (I wish I could develop my own work!) so I'm trying not to get too excited yet.

I know, it isn't the D90 I was hoping to buy. I guess that'll have to go on hold for a couple years- probably till I'm out of college. Oh wait- yup, that reminds me. Have to start applying.

signing out

Well, we didn't get the white christmas I'd been expecting, but it did surpass my expectations otherwise. It was wonderful having family near, despite some complications with luggage, and with the excitement of the season still lingering, I know the festivities aren't over yet! We're heading out, three cars packed full of people, luggage, and food, to a cabin in switzerland for a week.

Happy holidays!

you might already know but. . .

tomorrow is christmas!

five senses friday

Well, Abby posted her five senses today with an open invite for all to participate. So, here are five things I'll remember this week by. . .

Sight:
Lucille Ball in black and white

Touch:
cold piano keys

Smell:
smoke in my clothes

Hearing:
Pomplamoose "Always in season"

Taste:
mom's homemade cinnamon buns!

Happy friday!

cold hands warm heart

Two days ago when I woke up to another snow-covered wonderland and the realization that christmas was just over a week away, all I wanted to do was stay curled up in bed, safe from the cold! I hardly would have thought that after I walked out the door in a couple hours it would be a day and a half as well as several frostbites later before I would walk back in again.

First of all, a friend and I were blessed to spend the afternoon with another friend who flew in from Ohio (I hear you guys grow a lot of corn) eating Raffaelos and catching up on college life, broken hearts and new friends. The next day, after a spontaneous sleepover (with little sleep), and a wonderful afternoon at my new internsip, I found myself alone in the cold for over an hour, waiting hopefully for a bus that would never come. Stranded. The realization made me feel lonely, but there are always options, and you are never truly alone. In the end, after a steaming mug of malt wine and warmth from the fires of the christmas market, I was invited in by a friend and his family whilst waiting for a ride; warm toes, warm heart: check.

In the penetrating cold of the season, I find so much warmth in the hearts of others. That's the reason that such a frozen day as yesterday can be such a warm memory.

just a little christmas note

"Just a little note from me to you" inspired by oh joy!

I think its time to revive the christmas letter. It was never a tradition of mine, but my mother seems to remember it fondly and I'm conveniently located on a separate continent from most my friends. So, to begin, I wrote a letter in the form of a freeverse, with a couple special chums in mind. I hope to send this quill and ink poem along with a christmas picture and possibly some drawings to my farthest loved ones!

Here's today's dose of intrigue, a couple pictures from a child's birthday party.

maybe I will!

click on picture for source

new camera

I'm buying this camera for christmas, so I'm excited to say that after the holidays my posts will include much nicer photos!
It's an older model but. . . I've been using the camera function on my camcorder.

collecting presents

These are some christmas market finds.

If you can believe it, the first two are cookies! Made with antique moulds, moreover. In its picture, the rose has already been nibbled into an oval shape. At this moment, it is sitting next my laptop only a sad remnant of what it was. . . The last is a toy horse I am giving my niece and nephew for christmas. Isn't it fun?
***

I'm reminded of how excited I get every year as christmas approaches and my stash of presents grows. It gives me a little joy to find and collect presents that I can't wait to give! The reason, I think, is because I know what it's like to receive, especially from someone who knows you, your quirks, and the kind of stuff that gets you excited. Giving is a reminder of the gift God gave the earth not so long ago, and how valuable we all are. And so, for this, I really treasure giving and receiving as a part of the season. It doesn't have to be lavish and greedy, as it's made out to be- it's good; it's how we're supposed to treat each other.

throw me a bone

Just when I decide to become homesick, Germany goes and plays a number on me. Look at what I woke up to! Its almost unfair living in such a place. I didn't, however, get the chance to take pictures of the lovely season's greeting from anywhere other than my balcony, a shame.

it's exciting

a present at christmas

My sister's favorite story, read by Meryl Streep? I'm so excited about this particular christmas present, but put out because I won't be able to see the reaction it gets!
***

This gift reminds me that we've made it again to the beginning of advent- the time of anticipation and gift-hunting. For me its the time where I imagine what people are doing back in Canada, how everyone is throwing parties with their respective themes or quirks; how houses and apartments proudly boast twinkle lights and mistletoe; how everyone draws closer to each other to avoid the silence and loneliness that settles in with the cold and the exam season. My mind is vivid with these images, and I find myself clinging to the things that make me feel closer to home- and slowly I become more disconnected with where I live.

Germany in december is a marvelous thing! People are brought closer together, meeting and greeting at christmas markets, festivals, and parties of all sorts. Here, community thrives in the traditions of a season that hasn't been commercialized. I defy anyone who claims they haven't felt holiday spirit in the lavishly decorated streets of a fairy-tale town, or in the shared laughter of strangers over malt wine. There are so many things that can make christmas here magical, but what this country lacks are the people I learned to love. Well, they are everywhere, dispersed, and so the image in my mind of us all together somewhere is just another christmas dream. . .

Honestly I had no intention of going on a rant tonight. It is funny how easily the things you keep inside can come out when they get the opportunity.

birthday party

Haha. The monster mash?

in with the old

This is my very own 'run-away-from-home' suitcase, which I rescued from the German 'Sperrmüll.' It was a treasure among trash until now. I'm excited as it's a symbol of future traveling, and I can't wait to see where we'll go.

hello

I've started many blogs, and abandoned them just as easily. The reason, I think, is because my aim for those blogs was too specific, and I found myself immediately wanting to post about everything I'd decided not to. So my current goal is to have no goals, set no limits, and hopefully I'll be able to keep this blog updated.

Here I go. . .